|Sometimes it all feels the same.
||[18 Apr 2013|07:08pm]
Sometimes it all feels different.
I slept for more hours than I have in months.
My mouth felt sort of like sulfur when I awoke.
And I was craving pumpernickel.
Strange because I don't even like pumpernickel.
I keep staring at the sun in the day time, just to blind myself.
I keep staring at the moon at night time, just to tease myself.
Keep heading the warning but I enjoy the fear so much
That I fear
if I wasn't so terrified of dying I would probably
Not like I'm scared of the fall, I am aware of what the ground feels like.
I am aware of what falling feels like.
Give and take. Push and pull. But really I just want you to take
Suck me right back into you. Weren't those the lyrics? Isn't that what he said?
I think so. I think he was right.
You may never believe me. Or take my advice.
But this afternoon, as I stood over the sink
and you asked me,
like you were undeserving
why I was being such a good girl
I almost broke out in song;
"Since you think I don't love you, I just thought you were cute
That's why I kiss you
Got a fighter jet, I don't get fly it, though"
Sometimes everything is different
And sometimes everything is the same.
But not this.
Not this at all.
||[04 Apr 2013|02:46pm]
if you imagine it, you can be it, have it, live it.
im imagining palm trees
and those little ranch houses
a spot out in the woods
but not too far out
and not too close to much
I taste it in orange slices
and cold water
decide to imagine myself in motion
flying above here
see myself without you but when I
I lose my mind
and then I'm on my back
on the floor
which is particle board
and I'm staring at the dust on the ceiling
trying my best to envision a time without this
and when I can't, I squint, until my eyes start to wig out
and fill up with those pesky little dots
I lose my mind
but withstand enough sanity to know I am losing it
I'd stick to dreaming but I'm tired of sleep walking.
My legs hurt.
Running the world in search for my king.
||[07 Mar 2013|02:44pm]
sitting smoking pineapple cigars with the devil
feels like hell
smells like vacation.